Little Green Sweet Apple Cider is the latest attempt at a “cider” by Carlton & United Breweries (CUB). The people who brought you the omnishambles that is Pure Blonde Cider. Just reading the side of the can will give you an idea about how clueless they are about what cider is and how apples work.
The label features a dinky little cartoon of a red tractor, a subtle nod to the British icon for farm-made products. The tractor is pulling a giant green apple up a hill, the problem here is the rope isn’t tight. More worryingly is the dog sitting on the bonnet of the tractor. That collie is going to get a cooked coit.
Then we get to the back of the can…”Springtime sees our orchards overflow with little green apples .” Now anybody with any knowledge about gardening or kindergarten level science knows that springtime is when the flowers come out.
Here is a quick guide to help Carlton & United Breweries understand how orchards work.
- Early Spring – Buds form on the trees
- Spring – Buds open into flowers. The flowers get pollinated by the bees and develop into apples.
- Summer – The apples grow larger and ripen
- Late Summer to early Autumn – time to pick the apples, some ripe apples will naturally fall off trees.
- Autumn (Fall) – The leaves fall off the trees as they prepare for winter.
- Winter – The trees lie dormant waiting for the temperatures to rise again to start the process all over again.
CUB couldn’t really be that dumb not to realise there are no apples ready to pick in spring. Then I realised they were right. There are apples in their orchards in our spring time. Think about it, IF this does contain apples (or concentrate) they will be imported, most likely from China in the northern hemisphere. So in the Australian Springtime, the Chinese orchards would be full of little green apples. Sneaky devils.
The Nose
What the hell is going on? It’s like cat piss on polystyrene, somehow mixed with wood glue.
The Taste
I handed this to my wife to sample.
Wife: “It tastes worse than it smells”
Me: takes a small sip “Oh for F*** sake, that is terrible”
I thought I tasted some fake hard apple sweeties on the first sip. The second sip (I’m doing this so you don’t have to) tasted like a 14-year-old’s failed woodwork project. It’s honestly just the juice squeezed out of a plywood factory. The unnecessarily high sweetness and industrial waste taste just won’t leave my mouth. There are bad ciders you drink to be polite, there are bad ciders you avoid, then there is this. If I were stranded on a desert island with only a can of Little Green, I rather go the full Bear Grills.
The one thing that CUB do well is list sugar content on their website. The Little Apple is quoted as 7.9grams per 100ml. But I didn’t want to take their word for it. As I wasn’t going to drink the rest I poured it into my hydrometer which gave me a matching reading.
Final Thoughts on the Little Green Sweet Apple Cider
The can has a not for pregnant women label. I would like to extend that out to “not for mammals”. Seriously, this product (I’m not calling it a cider) must have had multiple rounds of product testing at Carlton & United Breweries and yet it hit the shelves with its nonsensical label and that taste, I don’t think they know what cider is meant to taste like. I can understand why they didn’t want to put their name on the can, I wouldn’t admit to this sh** either. Hey CUB, just hire me to teach you a little bit because what you’re calling cider simple isn’t good enough.
Product | Little Green Sweet Apple Cider |
Company | Carlton & United Breweries |
Sweetness | Very Sweet |
Alc/Vol | 4.5% |
Website | http://cub.com.au/cider/#little-green |
Country of Origin | Australia, from local and imported ingredients. |
Region | Your guess is as good as mine. |
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June 25, 2017
If your familiar with the smell of cats piss on polystyrene mixed with wood glue and know the taste of a 14 year olds failed woodwork project then you have serious issues. Get some help.
June 25, 2017
Thanks Doc, I sought help to find other odd scents for the purpose of making analogies. The real question is who thought it would be an appealing drink?
September 8, 2017
I really enjoyed this cider , I’m from the cider making country of Bristol in the u.k and this not too sweet (I like sweet) cider can stand next to a good cider here , it has to be chilled for a better experience but over all I enjoyed this very much , I wish I could get this cider at my local. Thank you for making such a sweet little apple ?. ?
September 9, 2017
Are you sure we are drinking the same thing? It is the 2nd sweetest cider in the CUB range with 7.9g sugar / 100ml (http://cub.com.au/nutritional-information-cider/). It’s unlike many of the English I tasted and written about which are much better than this. Each to their own so I’m glad you like it. Keep eye out for some of the cider I’ve written about that are made from 100% fresh fruit juice. I reckon you’ll enjoy them even more. Thanks for reading.
November 1, 2017
In my travels I have found that CUB have been giving kegs of this stuff away free to pubs on condition they don’t stock another Cider. Can’t cost much to make?
November 10, 2018
You people drinking this stuff need your collective heads read! I ordered it at a ‘Cuban’ restaurant in Rouse Hill and after one sip, I concurred with the author. Feline urine on the remains of a used Shelley’s roof and gutter silicone tube.
I bought it because I was hoping to discover a new cider. Turns out they just know how to dress it up as one.
February 20, 2019
I really like it. Just right for my taste. Not too sweet or dry. Love it with ice.
February 20, 2019
Each to their own. I would recommend having a look around this site. I promise you you will prefer a cider made with real apples. Maybe give Batlow or Bilpin a try as a starting place, they are both available in the major bottle shops
April 17, 2019
Just tried it & still have half a glass in front of me & can’t fault your review. But i will finish it as it is made a lot more interesting by your review.
April 17, 2019
Cheers Chris. You won’t make that mistake twice.
April 17, 2019
By the way if you don’t want to finish it ( totally understandably), please depose of it thoughtfully, it may not be great for the pot plants.
January 10, 2021
Your review surprised me as I like it and now make a point of buying it instead of my previous favourite, Somersby.
It reminds me of a cider I used to buy as a youth in the UK (the name of which escapes me). I really can’t detect any taste of wood glue or any other unpleasantness. Just a nice refreshing drink on a hot Summer evening.
January 10, 2021
They may well have changed the recipe since I reviewed it. Hopefully for the better. These days I try to only drink ciders made from real apples. The cider makers will normally be shouting about how good there apples are if they are using them.